surrounded dila
what i see, hear, feel, and got stuck to :)Demetria
Its amazing how long she strived thru all that and didn’t get exhausted. Just yesterday, I figured everything out in my head that.. she is me.
Me PLUS 10 times bigger burden + more friends that felt like strangers + an actual experience of the true definition of lost and + a home that literally is just a place to comfort her physically.
Never I knew she could cry until she did on her way back from her trip to the beach with her superfun girlfriends. She missed the people she lost, the exact only people who could introduce her to true love.
There I see, the girl who made all her friends, homework, and even cleaning as getaways, is tired. She wants to go home.
But where is home? Home is in the arms of your loved ones. Home is gone.
Well, did she give up?
Hell no! She doesn’t even look at herself that way!
She just unconsciously gave me another person to look up to.. I never even knew about this, til shes gone. Til I missed her at the airport, where everything striked my head (and heart) like a puzzle came clear.
I was with her all the time, everyday, for weeks, but I couldn’t see through her. The true her.
Maybe I was selfish.
..maybe I need another entry for this :’)
Psikologi Kebudayaan Indonesia vs. Lovefoolosophy
Psikologi Kebudayaan Indonesia.
Iya itu judul besarnya. Kira2 belajar apa yaa?
Adat? Budaya orang batak? Jawa? Antropologi? Sosiologi?
Saya kira juga gitu.tapi ternyata no no. this subject is more about contemporary lifestyle, products of culture, archetype, activities, and all..dan ga di pilah2 dari daerah kelahiran mereka. Ya bisa juga sih, tapi ga jawa, batak, ambon, dll.
Kita baru ada kuliahnya 3 kali, tapi saya bs bilang pelajaran ini menarik bgt. Di kuliah ketiga ttg archetype, saya terkesima sama beberapa omongan dosen (more like filsuf) saya, namanya mas eric. Nama panjangnya gausah deh, takut salah quote soalnya. Hehe.
Sbnrnya hari itu kt lg kuliah tentang archetype manusia yang mencakup caregiver, warrior, lover, creator, destroyer, sage, ruler, dll. Tapi seketika, muncul pertanyaan ini dari mas eric,
“…Have u ever feel that your life is empty? Hampa? Dan lo bertanya sama diri lo sendiri, siapa sih gue? Apasih artinya gue? ko rasanya ada yang kurang ya..”
Pertanyaan itu berhubungan sama archetype2 diatas, tapi sebelom dijawab sm siapapun karena mereka juga cuma ngangguk2 sambil merenung, beliau ngelanjutin lagi,
“…..just follow your heart, and money will come follow.. Sometimes u don’t know where its taking u, but you’ll end up with cinta sejati…”
Most of the time what you’re lacking is love
“…
…”
“pernah nggak ketemu seseorang yang bisa bikin lo harus membuang / menurunkan ego lo?”
(Kalo disini artinya, dia jadi destroyer bagi archetype warriornya dia sendiri maksudnya, kurang lebih begitu.)
“Hanya saat seseorang berani mendestroy masa lalunya, membuang egonya, barulah seseorang bisa mencintai dengan sungguh2”
“…”
“Hanya saat seseorang telah bisa mencitai, barulah ia bisa menjadi seorang creator”
“afterall, cartepillar yang mau jadi kupu2 harus ninggalin kepompongnya dulu kan?”
Hehe dari situ, I rather call that day’s topic as Lovefoolosophy. For he told us (from my point of view) that archetype is not something we should be stubborn about, especially when it come to love..
*maaf kalau ada kesalahan yaah..hhe.quote2 itu tidak sempurna, dan belum tentu 99% akurat juga. Sesuai ingatan soalnya..tp mudah2an intinya tetep sama (:
legally loud mesjid
so here’s the problem.
every now and then, mesjid deket rumah gw nyalain superloud speakernya dan mulai bersuara..ok deh kl maghrib, soalnya emg gabisa dipungkiri dimanapun jg pasti denger (tv+radio), itu udh aturan negara mungkin, haha gatau deh.
well, is it really a must? hmh, ada kali ya di al-quran untuk sekeras itu manggil orang2 utk solat. Tapii, kadang2 minggu siang atau entah kapan siang2 gt, suka ada pengajian ibu2 yang ceramah (and im seriously not fond about the content) dan disitu sering ada penyebutan nama2 semua orang yang nyumbang untuk mesjid itu! pertama, its absolutely not necessary. kedua, itu siang2 yaa waktunya anak2 tidur siang atau belajar atau kerja.. balik lagi ke masalah berisik.
apasih dasarnya orang2 bisa meloudspeaker ceramahnya sampe nyaingin suara azan gt? (walaupun ga barengan). mau menyebarkan the words of wisdom? byk alesannya not to do that through superloud speaker deh, misalnya yang tadi disebutin; ganggu. dont we have the right to enjoy our own sanctuary? our own relaxing and calm room.. dan ga semua di sekitar mesjid itu islam juga, right? mrk bs kehilangan empatinya kl kayak gt..
Dengan nama tuhan mereka ganggu ketentraman orang. dengan nama tuhan mereka begging di jalanan yang akhirnya ganggu ketentraman orang
hehe itu kata oom gw yang ketawa ketiwi krn obrolan bisnis seriusnya dengan nyokap gw terganggu. sebrisik itu, sampe obrolan bisnisnya kepotong untuk hampir stgh jam. kaya rapat di club, kl mau dilanjutin ngbrlnya triak2. udah gt keganggu lagi gara2 si ibu/bapak itu ceramahnya agak berlebihan..jadi akhirnya ketawa2 aja, sampe lama2 BT sendiri..
intinya..smp skrg gw msh mencari tau ttg kebijakan mesjid2 atau musola di sekitar perumahan, is it legal to put on speaker that loud without permit dr orang sekitar? dan dari sisi agama juga emang harus gitu ya? apa cuma dijaman primitif di arab sana aja krn smua orangnya islam dan homogen? haha anywayss goodd pleasee give me back my sanctuary that i love so muchh here in my room.. tempat cari inspirasi, tempat bikin tugas smp pagii, tempat daydreaming, dan yang pasti tempat istirahatku dengan tentramm.. ga bikin naik darah kl tiba2 mic mesjid sblh dipegang2 orang trs mulai ada suaranya “tes..tes..satu…satuu..iyak, assallamuallaikuum ibu2…yadyaayaydyayada” hehe astaghfirullah..ya gitu deh pokoknya.
kl ada yang tau jawabannya tolong kasitau yaa,, i have no idea kenapa hal ini harus terjadii, jadi agak susah makluminnya.. hehe 
thanks.
FUBAR?
udah pernah denger belom kata ini? kl udah, hehe brarti emg gw yang basi aja..
Jadi, pada suatu malam, saya yang sedang berada di ujung sebuah alat komunikasi (tlfn), bertukar cerita dengan seorang teman. and suddenly i have this new fun information!! -new term lebih tepatnya. jadi si teman ini tiba2 bilang:
Semua hari gue dalam minggu ini bisa membawa gue ke minggu FUBAR! Semua tugas mepet!! -Ariane,2009
“haha FUBAR? apatuh?” tanya Dila yang kemudian dijawab “FUBAR? oh blom tau? jadi itu istilah yang dibikin sm orang amrik pas lagi perang dunia kedua..singkatan dil.”
F.U.B.A.R, Fucked Up Beyond All Recognition !!
menarik banget.. dan akhirnya tadi siang dipake lagi sama si doi dalam curhatnya. “Sumpah presentasi tim gw hari ini FUBAR!!!”
entah kenapa gw dengernya seneng. rasanya gaul tingkat tinggi aja pk term bersejarah gitu. hahaha
completed
This post, actually, is the only “feeling” i ever posted. it was written in October 18th 2008, so its been sitting in my facebook note for about 8 months now, and i never tagged anyone to it.. i poured my heart out in this one.
Hmh, how do I feel?Too long since I’ve been stuck in my own trap of so-called comfort zone.
Running against myself like a hamster in his wheel.This is what I’ve been trying to tell someone but never could,
I was exhausted.
Knocked out between big expectation and hesitation.
Where nothing is enough.
Where “you should’ve done better” is like the only thing you could tell yourself.
Where it all seems OK cos I wanna be like her. As strong as her.
So I keep striving alone to show her that I can. To see a glance of proud on her. To give back just the half of big things she showed me.
And im still working on that.That’s the part when I say im on my own.
Well, not that bad actually. Since I got my truly amazing bestfriends there by my side to look up to.
They are my blessing. Their support kept me on going.
They are whom I made of.But still, to tell you the truth, its heavy. Thousand little things in my mind that I cant get out of. Its exhausting, the way I blame myself for everything.
Some people thought im this super girl who can do everything alone. Ha its stupid. While im here being scared. Shitless. Of everything.
Scared of being weak,
Insecure,
Spoiled,
Needy,
Inadequate,
Owned..
Yes, owned. Its what I even think of sharing.…then,,
Someone came in.
Someone who, long ago, I thought was just someone else in the picture.
But oh no, he’s just NOT.
A guy with such charisma, being so polite and true fading my guard down like I never felt before.
The feeling was like dancing on thin ice, wonderful but too exposed, knowing that the freezing water beneath could kill you anytime –It was terrifying.
As time goes, I learn a lot through him.
I learn to share.
I learn to trust.
I learn to accept.
I learn to lean.
Suddenly he’s always there for me.
When I ask why, instead of saying silly things like how adequate I am,
He said “you can make me a better person”
And he’s willing to do that along with me.
It opened my eyes. Made me proud, of myself and certainly of him.
Im taking my chances. And the risk indeed.Such comfort rushing like that was stunning.
I never saw it coming.So if you ask me how I feel,
I feel like a better person.Like a nice new car that needs its 4 wheels,
I got my family, my friends, my guy, and myself running it...i love them all so much.
first of all..
Finally..im writing my first bloggg…
I never had the guts to publish any of my writings before. I wrote. On napkins, on papersheets, on anything and I’d throw it right away. haha I have no idea why..maybe it was just a place for me to pour my heart out and repress it. Well if it was motivational, im sure I could just keep it in mind. I mean, if what I wrote was truly about feelings or experiences that day,, what the hell? Nobody would care anyway.. why should I be so vulnerable, writing about feelings and pass it on to people?
It was a stupid thought cause its not always about feelings..it could be about ideas and everything, right? And,, now I think I do believe that one man’s scrap could be another man’s treasure.. by treasure, I hope, inspiration, or comfort, or just a glance of any idea..
Then came the day I got two strikes about how “OK” it is to write and publish..
First, I got stuck in traffic with an inspirational friend of mine, Saskhya Aulia..She explained to me about how easy it is to put myself out there, say what I wanna say, and glide on through the feedbacks. To sum the long motivational speaking (that im thankful for), its fine to pour your brain out to any keyboard with a monitor attached to it, and just go publish..its surprising how feedbacks could open your eyes..
And the second strike of idea was when You’ve Got Mail suddenly popped out my TV that exact evening. There I saw Meg Ryan “the tough”, pouring her heart out to emails and move on after every each day. “hm..her life looks happy and easy. Maybe because of the emails she wrote every night..”, I think. So maybe i wanna do that too! but instead of sending them to Tom Hanks, im sending them to total strangers around the world whom im not sure would even read anyway. Hehe.
Soo..my first category in this blog is “Letters to you”, filled with my writings about all the words and feelings and thoughts that belong to someone and dedicated to someone but never could be revealed in person because…. Well they have their own reasons…
Thanks everyone,,Enjoy..
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